Do you like coffee? I love coffee!
So I’m at a coffee shop. This place is strange, nobody seems to do anything, ever. Old people just sit there nursing their drinks staring into emptiness, and all young people do is sit there having conversations, not with each other, with the small people in their phone. WHY ARE YOU HERE?! People who are sitting by themselves are the saddest thing I’ve seen since Bambi’s mom died. Their eyes are constantly shifting around, making brief eye contact with everyone facing them. It’s adorable when they check their phone, you checked it a second ago, AIN’T NOBODY TEXTING YOU!
What I really don’t understand are the college kids, with their books and such. They walk in, set everything up and then do nothing for a half hour. When they do start working they always get a phone call, in which they spend they spend the next 20 minutes complaining about how much work they have, “Could you come over and help me with this?” asks friend A, and then he spends the next 15 minutes on facebook because he’s waiting for friend B to show up and help out. 10 minutes are spent on greetings and general ‘chit chat’, after which they have to order something because friend A finished his mocha an hour ago and they will be asked to leave. Friend A orders coffee, so as to look adult, friend B doesn’t want coffee but there are girls at the adjacent table and they need to know that he’s mature and shit. So that’s an hour gone, now it’s time they answer this question, but it’s really hard and naturally they can’t figure it out, but you know who can? Mohammad, that guy is like super smart and talks to the professor enough to know her son’s name. Should they call him? Probably, but they’re going to talk shit about him first, I didn’t know that he drives his little sister and her friends around as an excuse to add them on facebook, what a creep! Anyway, he’s not picking up, the prick. I guess they’ll have to skip it for now and do it in the morning, NEXT QUESTION! Oh wait, someone just walked in that friend B recognizes, a friend of a friend, they were introduced a couple of weeks ago but friend B forgot his name, he’s walking over, time for small talk! “Yeah the weather’s amazing, wish I had a convertible, lol. Oh you have to go? too bad, we’ll catch up later bro.” Where were we? Doesn’t matter friend A is just too tired and frustrated to keep going, “Screw this!” he proclaims. They spend another hour talking about how they need to drop this class, but we know they aren’t, bitches. Now it’s time to go home and tell the old parents how productive they were.