End the suffrage!
It’s been an hour since I woke up, 15 minutes since I got out of bed. I sprained my neck in my sleep, it’s god awful. I can only turn my head to the left, I don’t remember ever having to look to the left, so it’s pretty much like having to depend on your stupid hand to write. I tried drinking my daily mug o’ chocolate milk and got it all on my J. Crew Peach Pullover, now I have to settle with a Spoiled Grandfather Cardigan. The loss of my neck dexterity ‘Nexterity’ has made me very aware of all the pain and suffering in the world, the poor and less fortunate and the straight up unfortunate, bad luck affects that one guy we all know daily. I feel like I’m now connected to all of that general ‘I hate my lifedness’ because now I am also impaired by my neck ache, why don’t I have a girthier neck? WHY GOD?! I’m now a Somali orphan, a 13 year old Chinese boy with government blocked internet, a 9 trapped in a 7’s body, Kanye West’s ego before a record deal, your Jewish mother, I AM the embodiment of anguish.
I think that in light of my recent handicapability I should start doing more to help those around me, to make the world a better place. I couldn’t prevent my own ailment but the least I could do is spread awareness to stop it from spreading, life cannot function if we as a society can’t look to the right, our blind spot will give our natural predators a huge advantage, gang members we owe crack money to will average a much higher murder rating.
That’s why I’m creating the Prevention and Eradication of Neck Injury and Strain Organization. An organization which will allow the research of neck injury causes and the working out the techniques and systems to help decrease and maybe even eliminate neck injury completely. I just got off the phone with Chiropractor Dr. Garreth MacDonald and we’ve already come up with a brochure that holds many tips and tricks for sleeping right and some very easy, everyday exercises to increase neck strength, “It’s a girth game.” said Garreth.
I feel really good about this, using my shitty situation to fertilize the rose of ‘help a brother out’ and the tree of my ego.