Words

So I’m in line at the NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! GOD! I’m entitled to reasonable privacy, assholes. So I’m in line, long line, moving slowly. I don’t want to be here, I can tell that nobody else in here wants to be here. It’s really quiet, too quiet, I can hear everyone making throat noises and pressing buttons on their phones pretending to text, I know this because I’m doing it too. I’m by far the youngest person in here and so everyone feels the need to give me the stink eye, looking at me like I’m sleeping with their daughters. Just to clarify, I am NOT sleeping with any of their daughters, they won’t even answer my texts, but that’s another issue for another day. Oh, and for the sake of the story I need to point out that everyone in line is a dude.

So I’ve been in line for about twenty minutes now, two more guys to go before I can get this over with and go home and cry into a pillow. All of a sudden dude at the window decides that he needs to go on break, douche. Now I have to go to the back of the other line, I know right! Another ten minutes pass by now and a woman walks in, doesn’t stand in line, just stands there looking confused. Five minutes later, she’s still there, still looking confused. I’ve been staring at her for far too long now trying to figure out what she’s trying to pull. I want to be a good person and let her through, but I don’t trust her. Is she actually confused? Tapping on the glass, talking to herself. Or is she faking it, trying to cut in so she wouldn’t have to put in the mandatory half hour? Usually I wouldn’t mind, but I’ve been here for far too long, and I’ve had to inhale the dude in front of me’s head smell far too long (probably the biggest disadvantage of being tall… Dark and handsome) to care about her problems. Women have been working far too hard towards equality for me to ruin it all by letting her go ahead of me, if she accepts she needs to renounce her right to vote, right? Still though, my mom’s a woman, and I would totally give my mom my turn, no question. Chivalry didn’t die, IT MULTIPLIED! What? It didn’t? Oh, okay. Now I’m thinking fuck it, I’ll let her go ahead, I don’t mind, but it won’t be fair to the eight dudes still behind me. Tell you what, those guys can kiss my soft ass, it’s very soft, I’ve lived a very cushy life. NERF LIFE! So as I turn to give her the good news when some asshole all the way in the back feels it’s his duty to tell the nice lady to go right ahead. THE FUCK! DUDE! It’s not your call shit bird! Now I’m just the douche that didn’t want to let her through, FUCK THAT GUY! So this just comes to show you, never be nice, just wait, some ass hat will do it for you. Whatever…