Hey Saif, it’s a shame we couldn’t hang out the other day. I think we could have rode around smoking cigarettes and wearing sunglasses at night like in the movies where nobody gets into car accidents. We could have been two dope boyz in a Cadillac, Ooeyoo. Only me and you need to start dealing drugs, what is dope anyway? Never mind, Googled it! I figure you can handle distribution since you’re in college and that’s a lot of easily influenced, stressed out dumb people, “Oh you have mid-terms next week? Smoke this.” I’ll handle the managerial stuff, you know, ordering shipments, hiring Big Tonies, kidnapping wives, pulling fingernails, you know, the usual. Don’t worry though, we will both have access to the executive bathroom, drug empire generals have to lavator in style. Only can we not be generals, personally I prefer the term czar, sounds menacing, also we operate a drug dynasty, like the Mings did. Anyway, now we need drug runners and lowly dealers, I figure 12 year old kids will do just fine, those are easy to manipulate, yes? We’ll govern them for now, but you know eventually we’ll have to add lieutenants to our employ to take over as we fly to Colombia to exchange briefcases with khaki pant, wife-beater drug lords, I’m thinking outside hire. I’ll get us our first key, that’s what the professionals and hardcore “gangsta” rappers call a kilogram of cocaine, because the first syllable (ki) sounds like the word key, phonics, just technical mumbo jumbo you don’t need to worry about. Now you need to know that the drug game is very aggressive, a lot of rivalry over turf, and what we need to do is “pack heat” as the blacks call it, luckily I know a guy. Shady, bald, actually most of his hair accumulates around his chest, big to no glasses, gold chain, tracksuit, real arms dealers look exactly like they do in movies, Hollywood got hit the nail on the head, spot on! I think in order to display our strength and heavy armory we need to get budding young “gangsta” rappers of our own, so we can make mixtapes and music videos that exhibit how much guns we have and how itchy our index fingers are, I’m excited about this, I’ve always wanted to direct!
I think that is all we need to embody two dope boyz in a Cadillac, Ooeyoo. Think of all the fun we can have riding around Dubai listening to that song exclusively, until I figure out how to Hey Ya!